Today’s column is going to be an entirely coronavirus-free zone. That’s right, not a single mention of the nasty little virus that has changed our lives.
Well, not entirely virus-free, since I mentioned it right there in the first paragraph. But from here on out, there will not be one mention of you-know-what.
Hmm … this could be a short column. How’s the weather?
No, wait, I want you to look out your window. What do you see? It’s Ohio in April and that means you see green. Lots of green. I once had some friends from Arizona visit Ohio and they said all the green freaked them out. They couldn’t wait to get back to the desert. Not me, I love green. It’s my favorite color. In fact, today to avoid discussing a certain overwhelming topic that shall not be named, we’re going to talk about green.
Green has long been associated with a calming influence. Just look out the window or go to a park – there, how do you feel? Why do you think they put nervous people in the “green room” before they go on TV?
Even better, green has long been associated with fertility, which you can understand when you see all the green things popping out of the ground in the spring. There’s reason for that rumor about those green M&Ms.
If you have a green thumb, you are a wizard with plants. It is even thought that green can help improve reading ability … and I don’t mean reading a green on a golf course. Some researchers say providing a green tint on a page can help troubled readers with comprehension.
Green is the color of luck (especially if you’re Irish, which I am not), nature and tranquility. And, yes, it is the color of money, which is sometimes good, sometimes bad.
Of course, there are drawbacks.
Being “green with envy” isn’t such a good thing. Apparently the color has been associated with jealousy as far back as the seventh century B.C. when Greek poetess Sappho described an envious lover as “green.” Our modern usage comes from no less than Shakespeare himself, who used the term “green-eyed monster” in his play Othello.
You don’t want to be a green hand, because then you would be looked on as being inexperienced. The term comes from crew members on their first voyages on 19th century whaling ships. Green hands probably looked a little green around the gills when they spotted their first whale and realized they were supposed to bring that big fellow in using a little boat and a couple harpoons.
And we all know the grass is always greener on the other side.
For the most part, though, green is a great color to cheer you up during times when you might feel depressed, which remember we are not discussing today. It’s a color of resurrection – every spring those green leaves come back on trees that look like they have been done in by winter.
Green is just a positive kind of color. Red is “stop,” green is “go.” God really did make little green apples. Green eggs and ham. The Green Giant is jolly, if he were red he’d probably be the Angry Giant. We sing about the “Green-Eyed Lady,” “Green River,” “Greensleeves,” “Green Tambourine” and, of course, the “Green, Green Grass of Home.”
The Hulk is green. Yoda is green. Kermit the Frog is green. Ninja Turtles are green. Gamora is green. Well, so are the Grinch and Godzilla, but maybe we won’t go there.
As if that’s not enough, on a personal note my wife has green eyes and she went to school at Bowling Green. There’s karma in there somewhere.
All I’m saying is, there are other things out there besides something we are not talking about today. If you’re feeling blue, dial up some green. Things will look better if you do.